My First Time Buying a Toy — Here’s What I Learned

I’ll admit it: I hovered over the “Add to Cart” button for weeks. Maybe longer.

It wasn’t fear, exactly — it was more like a mix of curiosity and hesitation.

What if it’s too much?
What if it arrives and someone sees it?
What if I don’t even like it?

But then one quiet night, I decided to stop overthinking. I found something small, elegant, and not at all intimidating. I liked that Tokumei Living promised discreet packaging — and the product descriptions didn’t make me feel weird or judged.

Two days later, a plain box arrived. I opened it alone, half-expecting guilt or awkwardness to creep in.

Instead, I felt... peace.

Like I had done something just for me. No shame, no pressure. Just self-kindness.

The product? Beautiful. Soft curves, quiet motor, easy to use. No bells, no whistles. Just what I needed.

That night, I didn’t try to perform or force anything. I just explored — slowly.

I learned what feels good. What doesn’t. That I don’t need to be in a relationship to feel connected to myself.

I’m sharing this now because I wish someone had told me this sooner:

You’re allowed to explore your body without apology. You don’t need to justify it. You deserve to feel good — safely, privately, and at your own pace.

If you’re reading this and still hovering over the cart like I did — take a breath. This isn’t about being daring. It’s about being honest with yourself.

You’re ready when you’re ready. I just want you to know... you’re not alone.

-Helen, 42